I just got finished watching 51 episodes of Soul Eater in roughly 3 days. Nothing got done. Nothing. Well, except that I somehow felt deep empathy for Crona and even the Kishin, Asura. I personally think they got the flavor of madness perfect in those clouds of blood with red lightning. I've had dream worlds that looked like that - especially the lightning. Lightning dreams for me always preclude episode of severe depression - the worse the storm, the more I have to fear, you see? Red lightning is the worst - well, maybe not as bad as the other one - it looked a tumor, where the veins were lightning instead of veins. pumping and pulsing, crackling just over head. But last nights dreams was about someone filling Potato Lake full of that tidy bowl stuff they stick in city ponds - not lightning. The last storm was last week, not too bad - they haven't been real bad in a long time.
But I digress. I have achieved nothing and Exacilbutt is sitting in my room right now... calling me a fool! And of course, he's right. After all, I miss everyone but know my life is stuck in limbo right now.
I know it. I know I just didn't know how to cope with my last job. I tried hard, but every week was an emotional deficit, dragging me back. I was losing it - everything that we had worked for. It wasn't that they were bad - I just couldn't figure out how to cope with something like that. I couldn't produce the emotional energy to keep balance. I didn't know how to survive. Which probably creeped a few people out when I showed signs of crying out. Sorry 'bout that, I can be kinda immature at times :).
I'm really hoping - even a bit desperate for this one job because I think it will give me the time to recover - but I still will have to learn. I need to learn how to manage my friendships while working to stay alive. That, that part of living is always so much friggin simpler in animes. They spend every moment of every day together with a common meaningful purpose. No one is ever just a replaceable cog in a machine (anyone falls, the world ends: you can't get any more irreplaceable than that). So, that's something I need to grow on besides working on my own character flaws... yeah. Which, yes, I know they're there although I might not see all of them... I will improve on them. I know it.