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Shy furs

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16 Jun 2015 14:15 #2869 by Midori
Shy furs was created by Midori
Hopefully this won't just turn into some kind of journal entry sounding thing, but I have to admit I'm pretty shy. Like really shy. I have a hard time opening up to people, and I don't do well in big groups. When I get to know someone well, I can open up a lot and be very fun, and even form a very strong, long lasting friendship. But it seems like circumstances have to be just right; it's not something I can simply make happen.

I can make myself go to events, but I can't necessarily make myself talk to people or strike up a conversation for really no reason. I prefer to be the kind of person who helps out or is supportive somehow, rather than be the center of attention. But there are times I do want more of a connection with people.

I know there are certainly other shy furs out there. I'm really curious how folks deal with it, or try to overcome it. Or maybe conversely, what more outgoing folks tend to think of us, and how we can work with that.

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16 Jun 2015 15:18 #2871 by Luke Wolf
Replied by Luke Wolf on topic Shy furs
I'm not shy, but I'm not particularly human social, I just deal with canids a lot better, and animals in general. What I personally find is that online interaction is a lot easier, in part because I can deal with them as fennecs or wolfies or otters etc... instead of humans, which can then turn into a decent bridge into offline interactions.

Also jumping into some of the smaller events will result in random people reaching out to you. Larger events can be used to meet people but you're more likely to just be lost in the crowd

One thing people always forget about science: science never demands a rational explanation for anything. To science anything is possible... including magic... especially magic.

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16 Jun 2015 15:52 #2872 by Midori
Replied by Midori on topic Shy furs
That's true. I find it waaaay easier to be open and outgoing online. Something about being able to type everything up just makes the words come easier!

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16 Jun 2015 22:55 #2879 by Hauke
Replied by Hauke on topic Shy furs

Luke Wolf wrote:
Also jumping into some of the smaller events will result in random people reaching out to you. Larger events can be used to meet people but you're more likely to just be lost in the crowd


Very very true.

Bawk Bawk Bawk-a-thrice Here comes the Cockatrice

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17 Jun 2015 00:11 #2881 by Leo Simensen
Replied by Leo Simensen on topic Shy furs

Midori wrote: That's true. I find it waaaay easier to be open and outgoing online. Something about being able to type everything up just makes the words come easier!


Totally - online communication is a lot less "on the spot", and a bit easier in terms of thinking up the right things to say.

And the way you described yourself being shy made me think you were talking about me - I'm the exact same way. Not much of a people person, not a fan of large crowds, not a conversation starter... I'm just not very social most of the time.

My thing is, I have trouble talking to people in person - I don't know why, but even when I really do want to introduce myself I just lock up. Took me months to even meet up with another fur around campus, and even longer to talk to another fur in one of my classes, not because I didn't want to but because I just couldn't force myself to do it. Like you said, once I get to know someone I'm fine, it's just being able to start that process that's my problem.

I've tried going to the larger meets to hang out with some of the furs I met on campus and I didn't have a good time for the most part. I just sat in a corner most of the time and listened to music - it was relaxing, but I went to have fun and hang out with people. I spoke with some of the furs I knew from other, smaller events, but I didn't make any new friends. Going to those events made me realize that big get-togethers really aren't for me.

Luke is right, smaller meets really do help with meeting furs, but so does reaching out online - looking for common interests helps too!

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19 Jun 2015 17:56 #2887 by Quetzal
Replied by Quetzal on topic Shy furs
I definitely agree that online interaction is much easier! In real conversations I always seem to fail to get what I really want to say out; even something as simple as an introduction. Online I have the ability to review all my words first. I do enjoy real life interaction though, so long as it is with just a couple of friends I am comfortable around! However I do pretty well in busier environments, like large cons, if only because it is easy to blend into the background without too much notice.

I almost never will start a conversation, but if someone starts one with me, sometimes I'll be able to converse really well!

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20 Jun 2015 10:07 #2893 by Alex the Dragon
Replied by Alex the Dragon on topic Shy furs

Quetzal wrote: I definitely agree that online interaction is much easier! In real conversations I always seem to fail to get what I really want to say out; even something as simple as an introduction. Online I have the ability to review all my words first. I do enjoy real life interaction though, so long as it is with just a couple of friends I am comfortable around! However I do pretty well in busier environments, like large cons, if only because it is easy to blend into the background without too much notice.

I almost never will start a conversation, but if someone starts one with me, sometimes I'll be able to converse really well!


I'm pretty much the same way.
I interact much easier online than in person due to anxieties and overall shyness. Although, I did run into a bunch of furs at Phoenix Comic-con which was awesome!

However - with larger meetups and groups I usually will need one person I'm familiar with beside me lol.
The smaller meetups are better for those with anxieties and shyness :)

Moved to Nevada. Sorry :C

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20 Jun 2015 13:45 #2894 by That Amazing Fox
Replied by That Amazing Fox on topic Shy furs
I just try to find people who are talking about something I can relate to. That said, I try not to simply butt into a conversation. I am generally shy, but if you have a hobby or something else in common with me then we can talk until our jaws are laying on the floor.

If you meet someone and there isn't really a conversation starting or it just seems dull, be patient. From my experience usually the other person will be patient with you. Also, don't be too afraid of saying the wrong thing, people are more likely to avoid you if they can't get a good feel for you.

I hope my advice helps, however little it may be.

Muttfox out.

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21 Jun 2015 04:22 #2900 by Luke Wolf
Replied by Luke Wolf on topic Shy furs

Alex the Dragon wrote: with larger meetups and groups I usually will need one person I'm familiar with beside me lol.


This is actually really important If you're not that social. otherwise you're going to become very bored very quickly when there's not a structured activity going on. You might still become bored, but you'll be less bored.

One thing people always forget about science: science never demands a rational explanation for anything. To science anything is possible... including magic... especially magic.

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21 Jun 2015 07:49 #2901 by Ditch
Replied by Ditch on topic Shy furs
I find it easier just to not think about it and throw myself into a meet up. Not in a bad way, but more along the lines of, what's the worst that can happen? It starts off really awkward, but then you see yourself warming up to everyone. All the AZ furs are more welcoming than I have ever imagined!

I've been to two meet ups so far Cup O' Karma and the +21 meet up at the English pub. I'm itching to go back to both just because the furs there were really awesome and inviting. Honestly, it is something I look forward to now. Once you see familiar faces from the previous meet ups, it gets a lot easier. I hope that helps.

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24 Jun 2015 11:16 #2937 by Robin Kreitman
Replied by Robin Kreitman on topic Shy furs
I have a lot of social anxiety and start to succumb to it when I'm in a situation where I don't know many people. I normally try and converse with people about mutual interests or try to find mutual interests with people. I try to relate to people and join in when I can. But I know I can definitely relate to feeling shy. I'm very much an introvert.

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24 Jun 2015 15:00 #2939 by Static Fade
Replied by Static Fade on topic Shy furs
I stress out a lot when it comes to meeting new people too, I guess I'm worried about giving off a bad first impression ('Cause first impressions are everything!) or just doing something stupid. The first part is the most difficult, but after some time it (hopefully) gets easier.

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24 Jun 2015 21:04 #2941 by Fray
Replied by Fray on topic Shy furs

Hyper Husky wrote: I stress out a lot when it comes to meeting new people too, I guess I'm worried about giving off a bad first impression ('Cause first impressions are everything!) or just doing something stupid. The first part is the most difficult, but after some time it (hopefully) gets easier.


I agree with first impressions...I always feel that I might embarrass myself, so I kinda just avoid saying hi to anyone new, but then I also worry about coming off as a mean person who ignores everybody.

Larger events are fun though, because then I don't focus too much on myself.

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24 Jun 2015 23:07 - 24 Jun 2015 23:10 #2942 by Ditch
Replied by Ditch on topic Shy furs
If people are understanding it's not hard to recover from a bad first impression. Sometimes, it takes a little time for everyone to warm up to a new face, it's not really that you made a bad first impression. A lot of furs are shy and just have to give everyone time.

I know with my old group in Cali, it was rough in the beginning, because I loved conversation, tad bit vocal, and it came off overbearing. Some furs were turned off by this, but after some time we all got to know each other more became really good friends.
Last edit: 24 Jun 2015 23:10 by Ditch.

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19 Jul 2015 12:22 #3013 by L8
Replied by L8 on topic Shy furs
I can completely agree with a lot of the posts here. I have been trying to go to one of the meet ups in the area but my nerves get the best of me. I did make it to one, probably on the worse day because it was during comic con and many people weren't around. I talked to one maybe two people... but the conversation was short. Everyone else just glanced at me and continued in their own conversations. So being shy at that moment really suxed and I have been debating whether or not to go back ever since. Well, really not debating, just allowing other things to replace actually going to a meet up. The social tragedy is that I don't spend a lot of time online... so relationships there are lacking as well. I guess I share this in hopes that if the next new person pops up more established people will be inviting to them, and me... because I will probably pop up in the future with a happy/nervous look on my face.

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